由衷

The WriTer* in Me!

29/07/2008

我其实很笨

笨得想将真心让自尊给隐瞒

然后又笨得可能让梦想、欲望修饰感觉

最后笨得连自己要什么都不晓得

就是因为我那么笨你不可以就这样撇开我

我笨所以察觉不出你机灵的目光中闪着什么信号

更不可能知道言行举止不一的你有着什么想法

但我却决定笨笨地守候着

是你善意的谎言也好

是我虚构的童话也罢

这一刻的我不愿如平常一般再去计划、盘算、期待什么

我只想单纯地守护着我遗失的美好

#kl still believes in the good of everybody00:56

ok this is shocking. i had 1874 in my account on 15th July. today it is 1289. KILL ME

#kl still believes in the good of everybody00:39

im sorting out receipt from my wallet. Lightens the load i carry around, literally. wahhh they form such a thick pile that i had to exercise my finger muscles and STRETCH my beautiful girly wallet to close it properly.

then again, everyone has been stretched kinda thin these days, so do the facades they present initially. I see the beautiful side in some, but the ugly in most. because i really don't care, i just want to avoid any conversation and to just get on with my life while they can get on with theirs. Episode over, emotions over, no point stirring up old debts and see the ugly faces again. If the world can be more peaceful and happier with masks on, i seriously dont mind being blinded.

with that said, i guess the camp ended off well enough (: to me it zoomed pass like a train while i worked hard on the tracks to make sure they are smooth enough, and dodge off the track at the last second to feel it zoom pass; while the freshies are having english earl grey in the cabin. Good for them (:

School stuff's out (other than the documentary haunting me) and it's time for a little deep thinking and planning for my life's goal.

#kl still believes in the good of everybody00:23

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16/07/2008

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.

hahaha the most relevant song always pops out at the most unexpected time from the most unexpected person

#kl still believes in the good of everybody23:11

am i asking for too much from this world?

i have never taken happiness as a granted right. Neither have I believed in "one and only charming prince waiting for me at the other side of the world". I just expect to be rewarded for what i put in and be punished for mistakes I've made fairly.

hahah yueqi once commented that im a less happy girl now compared to the me during JC times. tsk tsk i need to rediscover the happy me!

lalala on a happier note, someone appreciates my lyrics and songs (pretty amateur though)

#kl still believes in the good of everybody00:30

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11/07/2008

表面的坚强随着岁月的腐蚀逐渐软化

是蜕变吗？

内涵不必表现

我现在更加坚信我痛恨肤浅的所谓爱情

什么拥有什么唯一什么吃醋 - 都不是权力

不要再戴上虚伪的面具挥起爱的旗帜

满足你自己的期望

这种肤浅的爱不值得我费心鄙视

#kl still believes in the good of everybody00:30

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10/07/2008

im thankful (:

for stronger friendships this holidays!

for discovering everything im not.

#kl still believes in the good of everybody23:21

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09/07/2008

等　終於到夜深　才能收集上次你　留在飯店那紙巾
夜更深　不敢送贈的吻　全憑我手中的偷拍照　營做著你那體溫
我　如果想一世人　和你過　平時就要企後幾吋　去幻想　別要摸

若有一天公開　明目張膽的愛　我怕會讓你太意外
我的愛　只願縮到最小　彷彿不存在
就算　我最愛你　情願好好遮蓋　化作了密碼　不公開
我一向　都慣自言自語　沒別人愛
難道你發覺我志在　就會肯滿足這期待
如若我也有權愛　同樣我也有權愛不必被愛

揀　偏僻角落坐　完全袒露就怕我　全部被你看情楚
待你好　只不過是幫我　成為我愛演的一個我　其實未算太坎坷
我　如果想一世人　和你過　平時就要企後幾吋　去幻想　別要摸

若有一天公開　明目張膽的愛　我怕會讓你太意外
我的愛　只願縮到最小　彷彿不存在
就算　我最愛你　情願好好遮蓋　化作了密碼　不公開
我一向　都慣自言自語　沒別人愛
難道你發覺我志在　就會肯滿足這期待
如若我也有權愛　同樣我也有權愛不必被愛

暗裡進行更自在　不相戀　誰會受害　但願盡情地種　誰說花　需要開

若我一天公開　明目張膽的愛　我怕會讓你太意外
我的愛　只願縮到最小　彷彿不存在
就算　我最愛你　情願好好遮蓋　我怕揭露了　不精彩
拆穿了　總盼望誰在意　蜜月難再
如若你發覺有我在　就結束暗戀的時代
無謂去博你憐愛　明白叫你太煩的　不是愛

如若我也有權愛　同樣我也有權揀　怎樣愛

#kl still believes in the good of everybody17:59

Very very emo day for me. Haven't cried like that in a long long while. I have no idea what got into me but an accumulation of things compelled my tears to drop. haha I couldnt bear staying in an enclosed space facing people anymore so i kinda ran away to the stadium track to stare at the soccer field and think. I didnt even know why i ran away and why i sat there but i just felt like it. Then as i stare into the lushly green soccer field like i have never seen such beautifully green fields before...tears started to roll. Till now i cannot tell exactly over what. it just felt very bitter. Petty me being bitter about every aspect of life.

I briefly remember thinking about sqmates, about relationships, about friends, about fitness and i think my self esteem just shattered in brief moments. I dont even know how it was built up..seemingly just on thin air.

Oh well and i took pretty long to get out of that mood.

But at least i know i have a super beloved darling who searched high and low for me (oops sorry) n whom i can just breakdown in front of. haha i wont allow myself to do that in front of anyone else!

AND also a bunch of very concerned and caring tuesday healthy-living friends! haha

#kl still believes in the good of everybody00:38

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04/07/2008

dying dying dying dying of stress

#kl still believes in the good of everybody01:09

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