The WriTer* in Me!
28/02/2008
I have been rather sensitive to terms like "complexity", "reality", "standard courtesy" and such. Not that i do not understand the need to be accustomed to them - I know them since primary school, i guess life has been pretty kind to me for giving me a relatively simple life even till now. I used to dream of working in the public sector, thinking that it will be less complex than the private sector but many things prove me wrong and I dont dare to expect much in 3 years to come. Then i came upon this revealation of a trait of an ideal life partner - trust. So far only 1 person has told me that I can trust her, i guess i presumed the rest so far. But again, if what is said cant always be trusted, then life will be much easier if there is a default someone to trust at one instance. It's a chore to think think think and predict whether you can trust this person on this issue or not. Having such a person is priceless! having such a person for life is BEYOND priceless. hahah so i love my friends, though i dont say it often :P
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25/02/2008
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24/02/2008
Clearly im not ready for a much complicated life or office politics. i just want to be a kid forever (:
hahah useless piece of crap i am. life's easier this way!
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23/02/2008
It's been great meeting up with sqmates, just that i didnt have the time nor energy to blog about it! (: I guess the process of growing up together makes a hell lot of difference to our style and way of thinking and all. There is so much to fall back on, so much memories, the common little things to talk about, finding the same things to laugh at. I guess I didnt know i shoud cherish that when i was younger when everyone more or less shares the same thoughts.
but life after that sucked. I nv had such jam-packed schedule before and i nearly died of mental fatigue on friday. like totally boooming headache right after the faci interviews and I really wanted to sleep at the school pub. But meeting up with J after that was kinda good too (: havent really talked to her face-to-face outside of ISE for a long time.
What have I been doing with my life?haha
someone said im gonna die early. like super young. i have that inkling too. Since young Ive been thinking abt death one day. i rmb i used to cry in the middle of the night thinking abt death because i can no longer play my pokemon yellow on gba (yes p3 emo kid) ahha. sometimes im just not that afraid, because i will just shut down and wake up to be someting else if i feel again. the worst is to be stucked in a abyss kinda thing. i really think thats pretty scary.
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17/02/2008
Then I put myself at the very beginning of those incidents - did i ever look at the ending point? Guess what, I conclude that Im a jinx. I get bad endings either when i see them or when I do not bother about them. but im not an idiot. quoting henry gao : a reasonable man learns from experience. (haha) I dont believe what i foresee and i do not want to miss out on life because of assumptions with no certain basis. If i forsee that i'll be dead, do i not strive for my dreams? An end gives no evaluation of the quality of process, and definitely does not undermine it.
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16/02/2008
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12/02/2008
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09/02/2008
episode 1:
my dad and i were in some desserted carpark when i saw him cut some man up using a fork-like thing. for some reason the man was cutting himself up with a fork too. in the end the man had blood red grill-like cuts covering his front torso. haha i found it rather amusing. somehow at a twist of fate, im supposed to finish off this man. my dad handed me a small knife and i slit the man's throat. not dead. I plunged the knife into his heart. not dead. i cut his wrist. not dead. i tried squeezing all his blood out through the wounds. not dead. A brilliant idea struck me and i dug his heart out like a biology lab student,just without nice lab coats and scapels. nicely dissected and minced his heart. dead at last. i think that man symbolised the roaches in my house or something. i will stop at nothing to exterminate them. haha.i tried to drown one i found in my cup a couple of days ago.
episode 2:
I kinda didnt remember where i buried that man. but there was this instance when im given a very special and interesting camera. it has a particularly quirky function that can see through the surface of objects. i snapped a shot of the floor and i saw the pipes systems underground. i have no idea why i have such creativity in my dreams haha. then, instinctively i snapped a shot of this huge tree in some graveyard. heres what i saw: (roughly)
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08/02/2008
无人欣赏我好 原来你习惯他一套
从来没有爱我 看得清楚 我知道
不必得到 不妨陪衬 但愿为你好" - 好心好报
端详着那好似精雕后的轮廓 刹那间迷失在美丽的双眸与上扬的嘴角之间
多少次 我甜滋滋地沉醉在我的倒影里
又有多少次 我自卑地不敢直视 怕真心赤裸裸地被看穿
为何你心灵的窗户 时而纯真可人 时而却妩媚叵测
可悲的我 总无力参透。
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